Some thoughts

 -Life is like a game, priorities are shifting and you have to have a combination of stick-to-it-ness and flexibility.

-work recently had an article about main character syndrome. This is when a person sees themselves as the main character and treats everybody else as subsidiary. I feel this applies to me although I have made progress over the years.

-Being at work is interesting in this regard because in some ways as the teacher I am the focus of attention. But I have been having some good results in terms of feeling better about stuff and improving the situation by seeing myself as a supporting character. I tend to suffer at work when I feel like I am the main character and I have to get through the classes so I can get back to my real life. Work feels better when I focus on being in a supporting role. For example, making sentences is like a game and I am like the referee. The ref is important but the players are the real main characters. Or like when I think about the fact that in some ways the point is for them to have fun and it is my goal to focus on them having fun. Kind of like a dungeon master in a roleplaying game.

-the most fun is when I am relaxed but at the same time games are more rewarding when they take effort. In some ways the peak experiences are when I have been relaxed but also focused and making an effort to make good choices.

 -in some ways having fun is the point. that's the priority. But at the same time aimlessness feels bad and leads to frustration or boredom. So the point is to combine intentionality with relaxation and fun. All discipline all the time is too stressful but just doing whatever I feel like in the moment has never really worked out for me either.

 -overly easy stuff can be boring but overly difficult stuff is frustrating and ultimately a joy killer. When playing games it is kind of a challenge to find the sweet spot. The difficulty is compounded because the sweet spot varies with time both in the short term and in the long term. When I am fresh a difficult puzzle can be fun to work on but when I am tired or in a bad mood then difficulty is the last thing I want. I also feel like things change over the long run. A game that is perfectly balanced for you at one time can seem boring years later. 

-it can be hard for me to shift gears. When I am in the mode of doing what I feel like it can be frustrating and unpleasant to have to shift into work mode. But at the same time I often feel like it is difficult to shift from working mode into playful fun mode. Right now I have a three day weekend (Fri-Sun) and I often find that I am not really able to get into real fun mode until Sunday night.

-it can be difficult to manage priorities. I often feel stuck when different parts of me are pulling in different directions. This stuckness can be very frustrating.

-at the end of the day I don't know what the future holds. I don't have things all figured out. Trying to force things is a recipe for unhappiness. To some extent it is necessary to just go with the flow.

-at the same time aimlessness and drifting in life are just as bad as in my hobby. It is necessary to put effort into life and to try to guide the ship and make decisions and identify what I truly want what I am willing to work for.

-it is necessary to have patience and trust the process. Impatience causes suffering.

-At the same time, just waiting for your ship to come in is a recipe for a wasted life. It is necessary to be pro-active.

-There's no real answer to the question of what life is about. There is no universal source of meaning.

-At the same time it is possible to waste your life. It is necessary to try to build something.

-Sometimes I feel very troubled by the fact that I feel I have spent my whole life jumping from thing to thing. I feel some deep desire to make a decision about what I am doing that I will never go back on and that will define all my efforts.

-sometimes I feel like I am totally on track and my life is an unfolding process and that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Sometimes I feel like impatience is the only sin.

-sometimes I feel like the secret is just to relax. things will happen in their appointed time. Like my main problems and mental blocks come from being too tense or like stressing myself out about stuff.

-it can be difficult to negotiate being relaxed and being intentional. When I feel the need to relax I often feel the need to undercut my intentions in order to "escape" from them. But then I feel frustrated so I swear I will never do that again. It can be difficult to find ways to relax that don't undercut my intentionality.