Discipline

I've been thinking some more about the question of strategy in terms of approaching my hobby. But it has to do with life as well. Basically there are two parts, discipline and relaxation / cutting loose.

Basically the main issue is that what I need is discipline. I need discipline in all areas of my life. But in gaming specifically, I want to accomplish things, particularly finishing games. That takes discipline to face up to the challenges that I encounter along the way.

However, (and this is a big however), this is neither a binary switch nor a linear process. What I mean is that a lot of times when I think I need discipline I will set up some kind of schedule or goal or like pattern of behavior and then will go into it with the mentality that it is all or nothing. And even when I have recognized that it is a process I have gone into with the mentality that it is a linear process of constant improvement. I also tend to neglect the fact that I have a job and responsibilities and treat my hobby like it is the center most thing and then that it can be regimented.

The reality is that while I really do need greater discipline, I can't just flip a switch, and I can't just make a beeline for greater discipline, and I can't insist on all discipline all the time (particularly in my hobby).

So what this means is that while I think it is an ideal that I would pick one game, finish it, and move on. I think the reality is that there are going to be times when the whole "stick with one game" is going to need to give.

So, more specifically, I am dealing with Chrono Trigger. I want to finish this game but I felt stuck and I was really not wanting to jump back into it and this was causing me to feel some pretty negative feelings. So I did two things. Firstly I played some other games. I jumped into Satisfactory which I had been feeling some strong desire to play. I also jumped into some other games but without much expectation of sticking to them. Just trying them out. Secondly, I looked up some guides for Chrono Trigger and it seems that while the game had been pretty linear up to that point, it had suddenly gotten much more open with many options and I had chosen an option that was better saved for later. I hadn't even really realized that I was making a choice. I was still under the impression that I was just doing the next thing to be done and that is why it had been so frustrating that it suddenly seemed like a big difficulty wall. Some grinding may also be necessary, meaning I will have to fight some lesser enemies to build up my level and my stats. 

So reading about some of what lay between me and the goalpost had made me feel some desire to just give it up. And that is part of what had gone into writing the "April Strategy" post. But almost immediately I started to feel some sense of feeling lost and directionless that was one of the motivations to choose a stricter or more definite strategy in the first place.

So, my conclusion now is that I do need and want discipline, particularly in terms of finishing the games I start. But, I need to make room and have tolerance for deviations from that discipline. This is tricky because it operates in some middle ground and it is easy to lose steam with the process of developing discipline. But I think the trick is to not give up. There are going to be times when I am more on the relaxing side and maybe jumping around. I think partly there has to be some trusting myself. So, I am going to go back to my goal of finishing Chrono Trigger. I am just going to treat the last two weeks as a necessary break from the discipline goal.