I guess I have to put myself firmly in the camp of mediocre minds in that regard. I have had an obsession with finding some one calling or one identity that I could get ahold of and then base my entire life around. I think this has to do with a variety of things.
The way I actually work in real life is that I have a lot of different parts of me that have different feelings about almost everything I am involved with. Those parts can be louder or quieter at different times.
The problem comes from this disconnect. Basically wanting to be a total consistent, unified person on the one hand but in actuality being a fragmented and inconsistent person.
Of course in some ways I have had to learn to be more consistent. There are certain things in life that you have to be consistent about. These could range from showing up at work when I am supposed to or being involved in a relationship where some degree of consistency is required.
But I feel like with regard to my various pursuits I have for a long time wanted to find one specific pursuit that I could be obsessive about and excel at. But the reality is that I just don't work that way.
I have already developed and continue to make more characters that I use in solo role playing but which also represent parts of me. Some of these characters represent my engagement with various games. Some represent other aspects.
But even in this realm the specter of consistency raises its head. Somehow I also feel conflicted about having a unified narrative vs many independent threads that may connect but also may be at odds. Often when it comes to fandoms, people obsess about the consistency of the lore and point to any inconsistencies as evidence of poor craftsmanship. But part of me feels like I would like to get away from that perspective.
So I guess in some ways I am leaning towards having a large and messy meta-game that can have many threads that might sometimes be contradictory but which nonetheless is embraced in some kind of whole.
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