Caring

 I think the essence of being a gamer is caring about the games you play. In some ways this may seem obvious and like not saying much. After all that is kind of essence of every identity. But I think it is interesting to talk about this.

Caring is different than being interested. This is something that was brought home to me by a chess coach. Sometimes when he would show me something I would say "Interesting!" and he several times said that he didn't like when I said that because "interesting" is somewhat dispassionate. It isn't invested. It is possible to think something is interesting without caring about it very much. He wanted me to be eager to learn things because I could use them to crush my opponents. Recently I read "Chess Master at Any Age" by Rolf Wetzell. He made a similar point. He talked about someone who might play a game of chess in the evening with a friend when it is nice to win but not all that important. He contrasted this with someone he described as "keeping score" and said his book is for the latter not the former. There is another saying that goes, "Show me a good loser and I will show you a loser." The point is that you have to care, not just be interested. I think that is one thing that bothers me sometimes when I think about writing. It is this kind of gap between observing and doing. Of course it doesn't have to be like that. A writer can care a lot about what they are writing about and use their pen to influence people to support what they care about. I guess that is part of being a critic.

Caring is also different than liking something. It is possible to like playing games but not care all that much. I think some people are like this. Wetzell's example above also shows this. But I think some people play games because their friends do or because it is something to do. And they may like the game. They may even put in some effort to playing better but it isn't all that important to them and they will move on if circumstances change.

Caring is a double edged sword. If you care about winning and losing then losing is painful. And sometimes the pain of losing seems like it is more than the joy in winning. Jesper Juul considered this paradox in his book "The Art of Failure". His question is why people seek to play games when from his own experience they often produce pain. He compares it to the question of tragedy. That is, why do people enjoy watching tragedies? But in some ways although he considers many theories, he doesn't seem to come to a satisfying solution.

For myself, I think there is something noble in caring. The definition of selfishness is to care about nothing except your own comfort. But I think there are different ways of caring. I think it is possible to care more about the game than about the mere ego gratification of winning or avoiding the pain of losing. Kuljasevic talks about this in his book "How to Study Chess on Your Own". He describes it as objectivity. Usually when we talk about being objective in chess we mean that one should accurately assess the value of a move. For instance, a player is lacking in objectivity if they look at a position and justify a sacrifice for the attack just because they would rather be attacking than doing anything else. They aren't really being objective about the position and about whether or not an attack is justified. But Kuljasevic turns it into something deeper. He say that "for many people, studying chess is too much about themselves". He goes onto say that the quest for self-improvement is natural but that "this quest for self-improvement should not interfere with a selfless desire to learn the secrets of chess." He also quotes Petrosian as saying "The masters of the older generations too wanted to win, but they didn't just think about how to win a game, but how to win it worthily." Sportsmanship is another example. It is noble because it is presumed that you care and that you feel bad about losing but you still place good manners above expressing your personal unhappiness. Sportsmanship is almost meaningless if you just don't care if you won or lost. It is noble because you care about the health of the game more than about expressing the feelings inside.

I think this comes out in the world of video games also. To some extent there is a division between hard core gamers and casuals. With both camps decrying the influence of the other. Hard core gamers lament the influence of causal gamers and the dumbing down of games. The more casual players on the other hand decry the "try hards" who ruin the spirit of fun in games. In a sense I think both groups care about the health of the games they play and video gaming in general they just have very different notions of what that means. But this kind of immaturity is found in other arts just as much as in the gaming world.

I think ultimately there is no justification for caring about games other than this fact that it is noble and life affirming to care about something outside of oneself. I think you can point out certain positives about games and gaming but at the end of the day it is a personal matter whether you actually care about them.

I guess a more interesting question is how you express your care. I think this happens in a lot of different ways. I think one way is by taking games seriously and trying to "learn their secrets" as Kuljasevic said. But I also think there are other ways. Of course money is a big one. Supporting game companies that produce the games you like is an important way of ensuring that they remain able to keep making games. But this also goes for content creators who make content about games or for games that you like. I think to some extent it is necessary to be social and to be welcoming to people who express interest. 

So, I felt a bit dissatisfied with my ambition post. I felt that the writing ambition as I expressed it there didn't really have enough ambition to it. It was kind of a nice goal but didn't really feel that significant. But I think I would like my writing to express my care about games and gaming through my writing. That feels slightly more specific and ambitious. I am not entirely sure how to go about that. I think reviews are one way. So I would like to do some of those but I think some other content would also be appropriate but I guess to some extent I will have to feel my way as I go.