Satisfaction

Satisfaction is elusive.

So what is satisfaction? I think satisfaction if a feeling of a need being met. Basically, it is a feeling that a need is being met and that the effort or time involved were somehow proportional. When you think of it in terms of needs being met then satisfaction is obviously important. And we are all seeking it in various ways whether that is through work, or relationships, or hobbies or all of the above. Proportional means that the challenge of meeting the need is neither too easy nor too hard. It is just human nature that when a need is very easily met we often feel bored, dissatisfied, or take the solution for granted. But if somehow the price for meeting the need is too high then we feel it is not worth it and we feel frustrated.

So why is satisfaction elusive? I think it is elusive because we often don't have a clear idea of what our needs are. Also, some of our needs can be contradictory and often we stand in our own way. Furthermore, reality often isn't very compliant. This means that reality often presents us with choices where tradeoffs or concessions are necessary. And often satisfaction can be hidden behind something that initially seems unappealing and conversely, the thing that initially appears satisfying often proves to be an illusion. Lastly, there is a time element. Needs change from moment to moment. What is satisfying at one time may not be satisfying at another time.

From the above it may seem impossible to find satisfaction or that it is shocking that anybody finds more than a glimmer of it once in a great while. I think it is possible to find satisfaction though at least to some degree. But it requires effort.

I think it comes down to some simple things. First off, dissatisfaction often comes more from mental traps like taking things for granted or envy or unreasonable expectations of the degree or kind of satisfaction we deserve. Gratitude can be a great corrective for these.  Sometimes satisfaction is just a matter of stepping back and seeing that our needs are actually being met. But secondly, we have to be honest with ourselves. Sometimes the price or tradeoff is just too great. One need is being met at the cost of another that is more important or the price in time or effort is just too great. We need to have a clear idea of our priorities. But real effort is involved. Real satisfaction is a result of experimentation and reflection. Life won't always hand you a clear cut decision. The only way is to put the effort in to making a considered decision and then honestly evaluating the results. You have be open to new experiences but you also have to know what you like. And lastly we have to recognize that our needs can shift. Some people are blessed to be born with simple motivations or desires that are easily satisfied. But for most of us, our needs are somewhat mutable and what satisfies one day may not satisfy the next. I think the trick is avoid overgeneralizing. Resist the temptation to believe that any one solution is universal.

So what does this all have to do with gaming? I think gaming meets needs like the need for entertainment and recreation but also for challenge and a sense of progress.

So how do we have gratitude with games? First off, I think it is good to be grateful for the hobby in general. We live in a golden age of gaming and there are huge numbers of games of all different kinds being produced every day. I think it is just important to be grateful for that richness. It is easy to lapse into some kind of dissatisfaction because you feel like you are not finding the "perfect" game that ticks ALL the boxes or pushes ALL of the buttons. It is important to step back sometimes and just see how much of interest is being done with this hobby. Secondly, there is a lot of FOMO (fear of missing out) in the hobby. For some games this can be because there are limited print runs. Things like board games or chess books do get sold out and then become more difficult to obtain and often significantly more expensive as a result. But it is important to be grateful for the games and books we do have. There is a real tendency to feel that something loses its excitement after it becomes part of our collection. I think just being grateful and appreciating what we have can be a source of satisfaction. One trick I am trying right now is to freeze my spending for awhile. This is partly out of necessity but also because I want to try to focus on enjoying what I already have. Trying to find the depths in things I have only tried superficially. I have tried this before and I found my wants got less.

But we also have to be honest with ourselves. I think a lot of people present their own satisfaction with a game as if it is a general truth that everyone must find it satisfying. It can be easy to fall into believing that we should be gaming a certain way or that some games are inherently "better" than other games. Sometimes people have a self-image that is not exactly accurate. They believe they like some specific type of game or a style of playing a specific game because it fits with their self-image. Sometimes these self images are totally false. More likely they are simply limiting. When I first started getting back into video gaming I thought I really liked weighty strategy games with lots of complicated mechanics and things to adjust. I have come to realize that this is usually not really what I want in a video game.

I think you have to also be honest with yourself about when something is played out or when the price starts to seem too high. Sometimes we find a game we like and is a source of satisfaction but over time it starts to become stale and we lose our enthusiasm or we get frustrated or it costs a lot. I have three examples from my own gaming.

 The first is the Elder Scrolls Online. I have sunk over 800 hours into that game. At first it was fun and interesting and I enjoyed it a lot. But later it became something of a trap. It was easy. And so I often picked it up and played it even though (later on in that 800 hours) it wasn't that satisfying. I just picked it up because I knew how to play it and there was always new content to explore. But I think this prevented me from exploring other games. So I had to get honest that despite the fact that it had been fun or exciting at some times it had kind of lost its luster and I was mostly just playing out of habit. 

Second is Magic the Gathering. I find deck building satisfying. I really like to build a deck and then play it and see how it does. And I have certainly had some fun with this game. But it definitely comes at a price in the literal sense of that word. It is a collectible card game and you very much have to pay to play. Not to mention that there are two entirely separate online platforms as well as the real in-person "paper" way of playing. This presents a trade-off that can be tricky to navigate.

Third is chess. Basically this is one where the price in frustration started seeming too high. I started out with the high goal of making an over the board (in-person tournaments) rating of 2000. I put a lot of time, effort, and money into this goal but I didn't make appreciable progress (past a certain point). Of course there was some satisfaction from pursuing the hobby and I haven't given it up completely. But I had to get honest that I was dissatisfied with the level of frustration I was feeling and the downsides were starting to feel greater than the upside. So I started exploring other games.

But a result of that exploration has been that I find myself playing more games and a lot of those games are games that I "bounce off of". (Meaning I didn't enjoy.) This is where effort comes in. It takes effort to try new things. An example of this is online boardgaming at Board Game Arena or Yucata. These are two websites where you can play boardgames with other people over the web. Both of them have a lot of games available to play. (BGA much more than Yucata but Yucata's collection is nothing to sneeze at.) At first this seems magical and one can feel like a kid in a candy store. But after a little while you start to learn the downside. For every game you want to play, first off you have to learn the rules. Then secondly, you have to play the game for awhile before you really get a handle on the strategy and whether you like it. So each of those games requires a significant commitment to play. And if you don't like something it is always a question of whether it just really didn't suit you or if you didn't give it enough of a chance. But these considerations also hold true for video games and other kinds of games.

Lastly, the question of temporal change. This is the one I struggle with the most. Some people are lucky in that they find a game they like early in life and they stick with it and find it satisfying for a long time. I am almost the polar opposite of this. Things that seem satisfying one day are very often unappealing on another day. This has been a real source of struggle for me. Particularly because I do have an ambition to "git good". So I have spent a lot of time struggling to focus on one game (particularly chess but also sometimes others) in order to get strong. Part of me really wishes I could be dedicated to just one game and really love it and always want to play it. But it just doesn't really seem to be that way. So another solution I have come up with and tried to implement to some degree is to be more honest about what kind of mood I am in and to try to find a game that suits that mood. For example, if I am tired but don't want to go to bed it is useless to get frustrated with myself for not wanting to do something that requires a lot of effort. At times like those a game like the Elder Scrolls Online or Stardew Valley can be suitable. My goal is to create some kind of oracle where I can answer a few questions and be presented with some options that hopefully would be suitable and satisfying given my current mood. Or at the very least have a kind of mental list of games suitable for certain moods. This takes honesty and effort as outlined above to try new things and find what I like and what I don't and what suits a given mood and what doesn't.