Update

 Well, kind of been struggling. After Wes left I had a couple of good days of being active and getting some stuff done but since then I have slid back into old habits. I have been getting up later and later. Today was a typhoon day so no work. I went to bed after 6am this morning and got up a bit before 3pm. Also, despite my resolution I have slid back into journaling all the time that I am not working or doing chores. Really haven't been doing much in the way of gaming. I have had a few ideas for blog posts and have done a little bit of writing about those but didn't really come up with anything I felt satisfied with. But sometimes it is like that and I will come back to those ideas and finish something up. I have been doing a bit better on the spending issue. I have frozen my spending on games and gaming and have reduced my spending on eating out and getting coffee although I haven't eliminated those completely.

The only thing I have been doing other than that is just listening to music a bunch which is pretty unusual for me. I really don't spend that much time listening to music and usually when I do it is just when I am doing the dishes or maybe when I am on the MRT.

I think one thing that holds me back is just this kind of strong feeling that I need to have some kind of justification or plan for what I am doing. There have been some games that I have felt some desire to play but a feeling that what I am doing needs to be part of some deeper kind of activity holds me back. Part of me thinks that is kind of ridiculous and I should just jump into something and get going but this feeling of needing a justification or plan can be quite strong.

 I guess one issue that comes up frequently is scope. There is part of me that really wants to have my own niche or forte. Like some subject that I know really well and can comment on with some real experience and knowledge. But there is just part of me that kind of rebels against limitations somehow, even ones I have chosen for myself.

I guess for the most part I have been feeling more interested in video games lately. The two main ones on the top of the list right now are Shadowrun: Dragonfall and Suzerain. Shadowrun is a turn based roleplaying game. It is one of a series of three games made by this company that are very similar in terms of mechanics and design. I played the other two and enjoyed them quite a bit. This one though has kind of been very stop and go. I have started it several times and then dropped it. I think part of this is just the tone. I feel the tone is a bit more depressing or kind of in your face about some of the "grittier" aspects of life as a shadowrunner. Suzerain is a politics and government simulator. I played about 2 hours before wes came and liked a lot of things about the game but it kind of feels like it is a big commitment because there is a lot of stuff to keep track of and stay on top of. I guess there is also some reluctance to get into Realpolitik right now.