Update 10

 Well, been a bit quiet on the blog front. Most of that comes down to progress being pretty slow with the two games I have been focused on. Those are Chrono Trigger and Sokobond. I was making some slow progress with Chrono Trigger and I believe I am close to the end although not sure exactly how close. But then I hit a roadblock. Basically I am fighting the queen's second manifestation. Up to this point every boss I faced was pretty easy and would take like at most two or three tries. But suddenly it feels like the difficulty has ramped up. Maybe there is some trick I haven't discovered. The idea has crossed my mind of checking a guide but I haven't given up trying to solve it on my own.

Sokobond has been fairly steady but I believe I am only maybe like 2/3 finished or something like that. But there have been some puzzles that have stumped me for awhile.

Both of these have been slightly exacerbated by the fact that, although I have tried until recently to limit myself to these two games there are many days where I just don't really feel like facing up to whatever is blocking my progress. I really want to finish both of them but a lot of times I kind of just feel like I want something easy. So for awhile I just wouldn't play anything if I didn't want to face up to those two. But it has been a bit a challenge because there are a lot of times when I really feel tempted to start something new. In the moment I feel like I am just kind of bored but I think what is really going on is just that I am not wanting to face up to the challenge and something else seems like it will be easier.

Sometimes the approach of "just play whatever you feel in the moment" seems really attractive. The main problem with that is just analysis paralysis. I have over 300 video games and I really don't know what game I am in the mood for so I just come up with ideas and reject them and then just don't play anything. 

So anyways, one of the games that I was consistently wanting to jump into is a factory builder called Satisfactory. Basically you are dropped on an alien planet and have to build factories to produce parts to help save humanity. So last week I just decided I would install and play it. So I have been playing that most days since then. It is pretty fun. I admit to having some negative feelings about tearing up these beautiful natural scenes but the planning and automating more and more is "satisfying"!

Other than that I have been reading a book called "Works of Game", it is an exploration of the intersection of games and art. I plan on finishing it soon and will post a review.

I do spend some time on Twitch watching streamers and sometimes watch German streamers. This has given me a bit of a bug to get back into German. Not really sure how serious I am about it. There don't seem to be any really great reasons to get into it. I also have some bad associations from my time in Germany (my own issues, not related to the people, who treated me well.) But we will just have to see.

 Other than that life is pretty basic. Dealing with some issues at work with a student who causes me a lot of anxiety. But other than that work is pretty smooth. Ellie is quite busy. The twins seem to be doing ok in England although one of them is having issues with his group mates in one of his project classes. The weather here has been up and down but is currently cold and rainy again after a streak of very pleasant sunny days.

 

 

Book Review: Blood, Sweat, and Pixels

 I just finished this book by Jason Schreier and I definitely recommend it to anyone interested in the process of how video games get made. The book consists of ten chapters each of which is a story of how a different game got made. The book is fun to read because Schreier sets up a nice narrative flow for each game with dramatic twists and turns. But at the same time everything is documented with quotes from people who worked on the projects from developers to higher up executives.

One thing I really liked about the book is that although all the games have major problems and mistakes were made, Schreier approaches each game and team with respect. He presents things so that there is context to what happened. This is another thing that made the book enjoyable to read. I would describe it as a positive and respectful tone. On the other hand, he doesn't shy away from showing just how much of a mess this process is. But he makes a point in the preface that although these games may seem like exceptions, it is in fact the rule that game development is this messy and has this many major problems.

One of the more controversial aspects of the book might be how it portrays crunch. In the context of game development, crunch means everybody working huge overtime, nights and weekends, to try to meet some deadline. This crunch can last months. It also happens multiple times on a project for different deadlines. It has been called out many times as something that is wrong with the games industry. Although Schreier does describe crunch as problematic he also seems to romanticize it. In this book it comes across as this heroic effort that saves the day. He also makes arguments that basically there is no other way given how complicated video games are to make. 

I guess the main downside to the book is that it is kind of a fanboy account of the games industry. In a lot of ways he seems to be very much rooting for the people he is writing about. And he does make some interesting points about the industry along the way. But I think the book might have been a bit better if he had approached the industry with a bit more of a critical eye and perhaps if he had more of point to make about the process.

Overall, I quite enjoyed it but in the end I feel I also didn't walk away with a whole lot. He spins a good narrative and it is nice to see someone praising the people who makes games (as opposed to a lot of user comments or reviews that can be super toxic). If you are looking for an extended series of magazine pieces about the games industry that are fun to read this is a really great pick.

Fighting Spirit

One thing that gets talked about in chess or go is fighting spirit. From what I can tell, a lot of times what people mean by this is a willingness to enter complications. Basically a refusal to back down from a fight. But there also seem to be other related aspects. I am thinking of the idea of refusing to be submissive in the sense that when the opponent threatens you, it is important to look for some kind of way of resisting. Of course you can't simply ignore the threat but you can do things like making a bigger threat or making a double edged move that both defends and creates a problem for the opponent. There is also something about playing for a win rather than playing not to lose.

I feel like one of the main ways that depression manifests in my life is a kind of lack of fighting spirit. Sometimes I just don't want to struggle. I just want to hide away. This can also manifest in terms of quitting at things I say I want to do because I met with a challenge that I had to struggle to overcome. To be fair to myself, there are times I have shown fighting spirit, or grit, or perseverance. I have overcome obstacles in my life just like everybody else. But at the same time I think I have a tendency to throw in the towel pretty early on a lot of stuff. Of course I rationalize it in various ways. Sometimes I convince myself that I am quitting so I can do something I really love more and that I will never throw in the towel on. Sometimes I convince myself that I just don't feel like dealing with that obstacle right now and I will get to it later only for months and even years to go by until I decide I don't really want to mess with it at all.

I think there is a stereotype of gamers being bad at life. But this is one area where I feel like games and life work together. At least in my own life. There seems to be an important sense that when I choose to give up in one area of my life that it has a ripple effect on other areas of my life. There also seems to a positive angle that when I face up to a challenge and overcome an obstacle in one area it gives me fighting spirit to overcome other obstacles.

Of course it is complicated because there are times that it really is the right move to quit, or resign, or change tack. You can't fight every single fight to the bitter end. You win some, you lose some. I guess that is where wisdom comes in. Knowing what fights are important to struggle with and what fights it is important to just decide are not worth it. That is another thing that applies in both games and life.

So, one of the things I have been thinking about is how to cultivate fighting spirit. I think somehow it has to do with having things you want. Whether that is to win the game, or the benefits of being employed. There have to be things in life that are worth fighting for and not giving up on. It is important to find those.

 

 

 

Shrine to the God of Games

I really like the idea of dedicating myself to the God of Games. It seems more worthy than just playing (or writing) for my own satisfaction or somewhat limited glory. A couple of days ago I thought I would like to find a dragon to serve as an idol for the God of Games. I looked for a shop that would sell one on a recent walk down to Nanshijiao which is a southern district and has a lot of SE Asian neighborhoods. But I didn't see anything. Well, today I was feeling pretty energetic and kind of wanted to do something about it so I went with Ellie over to this street on the way to Longshan Temple. It has some shops that sell the kinds of things I have in mind and they seem to be a bit less expensive than some of the fancier shops I have seen around town. So we went over there and in the first shop we found exactly what I was looking for. It is a brass dragon. It's a little on the small side but the others were pretty expensive and it suits the shrine.

So after we came home from that excursion I sat down with some coffee to think a bit. Basically I have this corner of my room that for a long, long time, basically the whole 13 years we have lived here has been kind of a disaster area. It was basically a big pile with some shelves where I couldn't even get to the bottom shelves and the whole area just collected dust and dog hair. So basically I had been thinking recently about doing something about it and today the stars aligned and I got down to business. I pulled everything out of that corner and separated it by whether I want to get rid of it or if I want to keep it. So I did that, then I cleaned up all the dust and dog hair. I had to get rid of a bunch of stuff but most of it was old papers that I haven't looked at in the 13 years we have lived here. Then I went through the process of putting stuff back. Mostly I moved the books to some other shelves so I could put my gaming stuff in there. Then after that I changed the lightbulb above the shrine which has been burned out for like 10 years or something.

 Here is the result:

It has stuff from a lot of the games I have been interested in or played throughout the years, from baseball, to go to chess, to magic, to video games. It even has some of my old golf score cards from when I was on a golf kick.

The God of Games looks a bit small but he is the brass dragon on top of the flour box near the top of the photo. The flour box is a bit weird but it has all my loose magic cards in it. I wanted the God of Games elevated and on his own little platform so I did it this way. I might try to switch that out at some point for a more appropriate box.

The black dish to the left of the photo of Emmanuel Lasker is the incense holder that Ellie got me for my birthday. The piece of wood sticking up from it is a sacred South American wood that she got me that is for purifying. So I burnt that after I had the shrine all set up.

All in all I am very happy with how I spent my Sunday.
 

Some thoughts

 -Life is like a game, priorities are shifting and you have to have a combination of stick-to-it-ness and flexibility.

-work recently had an article about main character syndrome. This is when a person sees themselves as the main character and treats everybody else as subsidiary. I feel this applies to me although I have made progress over the years.

-Being at work is interesting in this regard because in some ways as the teacher I am the focus of attention. But I have been having some good results in terms of feeling better about stuff and improving the situation by seeing myself as a supporting character. I tend to suffer at work when I feel like I am the main character and I have to get through the classes so I can get back to my real life. Work feels better when I focus on being in a supporting role. For example, making sentences is like a game and I am like the referee. The ref is important but the players are the real main characters. Or like when I think about the fact that in some ways the point is for them to have fun and it is my goal to focus on them having fun. Kind of like a dungeon master in a roleplaying game.

-the most fun is when I am relaxed but at the same time games are more rewarding when they take effort. In some ways the peak experiences are when I have been relaxed but also focused and making an effort to make good choices.

 -in some ways having fun is the point. that's the priority. But at the same time aimlessness feels bad and leads to frustration or boredom. So the point is to combine intentionality with relaxation and fun. All discipline all the time is too stressful but just doing whatever I feel like in the moment has never really worked out for me either.

 -overly easy stuff can be boring but overly difficult stuff is frustrating and ultimately a joy killer. When playing games it is kind of a challenge to find the sweet spot. The difficulty is compounded because the sweet spot varies with time both in the short term and in the long term. When I am fresh a difficult puzzle can be fun to work on but when I am tired or in a bad mood then difficulty is the last thing I want. I also feel like things change over the long run. A game that is perfectly balanced for you at one time can seem boring years later. 

-it can be hard for me to shift gears. When I am in the mode of doing what I feel like it can be frustrating and unpleasant to have to shift into work mode. But at the same time I often feel like it is difficult to shift from working mode into playful fun mode. Right now I have a three day weekend (Fri-Sun) and I often find that I am not really able to get into real fun mode until Sunday night.

-it can be difficult to manage priorities. I often feel stuck when different parts of me are pulling in different directions. This stuckness can be very frustrating.

-at the end of the day I don't know what the future holds. I don't have things all figured out. Trying to force things is a recipe for unhappiness. To some extent it is necessary to just go with the flow.

-at the same time aimlessness and drifting in life are just as bad as in my hobby. It is necessary to put effort into life and to try to guide the ship and make decisions and identify what I truly want what I am willing to work for.

-it is necessary to have patience and trust the process. Impatience causes suffering.

-At the same time, just waiting for your ship to come in is a recipe for a wasted life. It is necessary to be pro-active.

-There's no real answer to the question of what life is about. There is no universal source of meaning.

-At the same time it is possible to waste your life. It is necessary to try to build something.

-Sometimes I feel very troubled by the fact that I feel I have spent my whole life jumping from thing to thing. I feel some deep desire to make a decision about what I am doing that I will never go back on and that will define all my efforts.

-sometimes I feel like I am totally on track and my life is an unfolding process and that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Sometimes I feel like impatience is the only sin.

-sometimes I feel like the secret is just to relax. things will happen in their appointed time. Like my main problems and mental blocks come from being too tense or like stressing myself out about stuff.

-it can be difficult to negotiate being relaxed and being intentional. When I feel the need to relax I often feel the need to undercut my intentions in order to "escape" from them. But then I feel frustrated so I swear I will never do that again. It can be difficult to find ways to relax that don't undercut my intentionality.

Game Finished: Newton's Cradle Review

I learned about this game on John Walker's Buried Treasure blog and I feel it is another winner. The basic idea is from those office desk toys where you have a row of balls that can swing and knock into each other according to Newton's laws. In this case the balls are on tracks but the same principle applies. If you knock one ball into a row of balls then only the last one in the row will move. If you use two balls then two balls will move. The goal of the puzzles is to get all the balls onto dots at the end of some tracks, at which point the ball will disappear along with the dot. There are also some white balls that can't move by themselves but can be knocked like all the others. These have to go to special white dots. 

The graphics are pretty minimal. The game looks like it could have come from the DOS era. This felt a bit off-putting at first but kind of grew on me to the point that I liked it by the end.

 One strong point is the soundtrack which is jazzy guitar work. There aren't a whole lot of tracks but they strike a good balance between being interesting musically and being good background.

I feel the puzzles are well designed. As user chadworthy on Steam put it, there isn't any bloat to the mechanics. There are only 32 puzzles and the game doesn't try to do too much. It just does a great job with the basic elements. The puzzles are also economically designed in the sense that there aren't any wasted elements. 

The game is also well worth the price. I got it for 11 NT but the original price is only 22 NT which is less than a dollar. There also seems to be a sale on right now.

As to negatives about the game, I already mentioned that the graphics are a bit off-putting at least at first. Another small complaint is that the puzzles seemed uneven in difficulty. With Hexcells there seemed to be a very smooth progression from easy to difficult. With Newton's Cradle the puzzles seemed kind of randomly arranged with regard to this. Stumpers were mixed with easy ones. I would say it might just be me but according to the other Steam reviews it seemed other users had this same issue. One last issue is the undo feature. I guess Walker was able to convince the developer to add an undo button but it only undoes the last move. It would be nice if it was possible to undo a number of moves.

Two general hints: 1) It is important to remember the fact that if you slide two balls together into some balls (even just one) then two balls will leave. The game doesn't make this obvious and there is one puzzle where I was stumped until I re-read Walker's review.  (I suppose that is another small complaint. The game could have had a tutorial screen for that.) 2) In general it is important to remember that when two balls are in a row and you want to move them you often have a choice. You can slide them together or you can back up the first ball and knock the second one. Remembering this makes a difference in a number of puzzles.