Religion

 The highest is the One. This is basically the One of Plotinus but I am not really a student of Plotinus. All things exist in as much as they are a unity. Matter is the farthest thing from the One. Matter is not necessarily evil per se but it lacks the unity of higher things. Also, in as much as material things become fixations they are evil. The One doesn't really have a will, it is more a source of power for those who are able to tap into it.

Below the One is the Demiurge. The Demiurge is sort of evil. The Demiurge wants to usurp the power of the One because he believes that he is the creator of the universe. 

Then is the God of Games and the Adversary. Basically there are many paths to the One. Humanity is not really capable of comprehending the One in all its generality so it is necessary to take a path. The God of Games is allied with the One while the Adversary is allied with the Demiurge. The Adversary is the God of necessity particularly physical necessity. The Adversary has to do with the needs of survival and the work you have to do to survive. The Adversary is the God of drudgery. The God of Games is the God of joy and freedom.

The God of Games and the Adversary are locked in a struggle called The Great Game. This is a game that takes place across all of reality. They are neither omnipotent nor omniscient. They are merely very skilled at this Great Game.

The individual soul must seek some kind of unity. The soul is eternal. But in successive lifetimes it can come closer to matter or closer to the One. For those who are devotees of the God of Games the path obviously involves playing games and trying to become more skilled. But it is very difficult if not impossible to escape from the power of the Adversary. Most gamers have to make concessions to the Adversary to greater or lesser degrees. Even those who are professional gamers still have to make many concessions to the Adversary.

 

Some thoughts on solo roleplaying

 This is another post copied from that abandoned blog.

=====

 I will just start by saying I am not very experienced so far. I started out using D&D 5e with the "Solo Adventurer's Toolbox" books but switched to using GURPS and Mythic (first edition). Combined I have run about 20 sessions. But I have also spent time creating characters and researching settings.

The first thing that comes to mind is that solo roleplaying takes effort. It involves using your brain. Basically you are creating something and that takes effort. The roleplaying system of your choice and the oracle of your choice can help with that but you have to put effort into creating the story. I think this is why some people are more interested in using AI because it has some of the advantages of a computer game where you don't have to create the story yourself.

 I also think it is something that takes some getting used to and some practice to get right. For example, you have to find a balance between creating a narrative yourself and the dice. If you just let the dice do everything then the game can feel disjointed and random. But if you are putting in all the effort then you might as well just be writing a story. So the trick is to find some middle ground where it still has game aspects but it also has some kind of narrative coherence. I think this is a bit trickier than it seems at first. 

Some people are happy with a dungeon crawl where it is all combat and loot. This solves the problem of balancing narrative and the dice by landing firmly on the dice side of things. With the dungeon crawl you can just roll on random encounter tables and dungeon generation tables and then just roll the dice for combat. This definitely has some appeal because it is less effort and I do feel combat is fun. However, I kind of suspect that if I was doing combat all the time I would get bored and drop it.

Personally, I think there is something attractive about having a story. That is one of the reasons I switched to GURPS. Basically I was interested in being able to explore a variety of worlds. And so far I have done that. It has been fun to create some specific settings. Another attraction of GURPS is the wide variety of books. The Napoleonic Era book sparked some ideas about creating a setting in revolutionary Paris involving a famous chess cafe. I am also hoping to make use of the mass combat rules to get involved in a Napoleonic battle. I also started a Chinese martial arts novel type campaign where the hero was trained at the Shaolin Temple but is also good at the game of go. I am working on developing a character for the so called Golden Age of Islam around the 9th and 10th centuries in Baghdad. 

So I think part of it is just realizing that to some extent it does take some effort and some exploration and some practice to learn what you like and what you don't like. This may be a bit trickier than it seems at first.

Taoist Sage NPC

 This is a post that I wrote last year for another blog I started but never shared with anyone. I kind of feel like this is the sort of thing I would like to put in this blog also so I copied it here.

===========

 

 Today I worked on creating a Taoist sage. This is an NPC in my GURPS martial arts campaign. My wife gave me some tips on things a Taoist sage should be able to do. Her suggestions were 1) longevity, 2) paralyze with pressure points, 3) Invisibility, 4) create an illusion where the person gets lost in an area and can't get out, and 5) good at Tai Chi Chuan.

For 1), I went with "unaging". I guess this is more like immortality.  In my Eastern religions class in college the prof said that a lot of religious Taoists (as opposed to philosophical Taoists) sought immortality. By the way, a lot of them thought cinnabar was part of the elixir of eternal life but it is actually poisonous because it has mercury in it. But for that reason I chose a name that is supposed to mean cinnabar (Pan Dandan). My wife says there is no such name or term for cinnabar. If you want your Taoist sage to be long lived but not immortal you can go with "extended lifespan". I am pretty surprised that "unaging" only costs 15 points.

For 2) I used "pressure points" and "pressure secrets" which requires "trained by a master". But I also gave her "pressure point strike" which comes from "Martial Arts". I guess technically the "pressure points" skill by itself does what I want. As described in the basic text, "pressure secrets" is more about doing damage rather than paralyzing. The strike technique just does away with the -2 to hit for targeting pressure points.

 For 3) I just used "Invisibility art" which seems to be what I was going for. I guess the only thing is that as written it is less mystical. I suppose, since I used magery and spells I could have used the invisibility spell if I wanted it to be more of magical thing. But I kind of liked that it is based on "trained by a master".

 For 4) I decided I had to go with spells. Not exactly what I was thinking but basically the only way to create this illusion. So I debated three ways. One was actually creating teleport gates that the person would go through that would teleport them back to a place they had already been. The other was to use illusion spells. And the third was to use mind control spells. I ended up going with the third because the combination of "disorient", "avoid", and "lure" seemed to be the closest to what I was imagining. Basically my idea is that she would cast "avoid" on the way out and "lure" to draw the person toward the center. Combined with the disorient effect the person would keep going toward the center but they wouldn't realize that is what they were doing so that fits with the idea. Basically the teleport gates seemed like they would take too much energy to cast and maintain and would have a lot of prerequisite spells. They would also require illusion spells to disguise them. The illusion also didn't really do what I wanted because it is more static and the illusions seemed to not respond to touch. So I couldn't really see a good way to create the intended effect with illusions. The combination of mind control spells seems to come closest to the spirit of what I was trying to achieve. I guess the only problem with this is that maybe it would be difficult to cast "avoid" on all the ways out if the person is in forest or some more natural setting. I guess it isn't really necessary and the combination of "disorient" and "lure" should work but the "avoid" spell seems to make it better which is why I included it. Maybe the "avoid" could just be cast on certain strategic points to reinforce the going in circles.

For 5) I used "Martial Arts" to get suggestions for skills for Tai Chi Chuan. So, I guess that is one thing I don't like about how Gurps handles martial arts. Even though there is a whole book full of a bunch of different styles you still have to use "karate" and "judo". So even though my character doesn't really know either of those, I have to put those on the sheet, and even though my character is a Tai Chi Chuan master it doesn't actually say Tai Chi on the sheet anywhere. It's not really a big deal but I just find it annoying. Maybe they just thought it was too complicated to have all of these different styles as separate skills but I kind of thought that is what "Martial Arts" would be for. But other than that I like the skills "Martial Arts" suggests and I, of course, used the cinematic ones as well. So I added "perfect balance", "push" and some others. I feel the suggestions match up with what I learned about Tai Chi from the class I took in college.

I also gave her "esoteric medicine".

So, I guess the sage is kind of expensive. I didn't think it would come out to 450 points. On the other hand, I didn't give her any disadvantages. Some well chosen disadvantages could reduce the point cost. And she is supposed to be a mystical being. I guess I plan on using her more as a quest giver than as an opponent or an ally so I didn't really need to create a full character sheet but I had fun doing it.

 

 

 

 

Update

 Well, kind of been struggling. After Wes left I had a couple of good days of being active and getting some stuff done but since then I have slid back into old habits. I have been getting up later and later. Today was a typhoon day so no work. I went to bed after 6am this morning and got up a bit before 3pm. Also, despite my resolution I have slid back into journaling all the time that I am not working or doing chores. Really haven't been doing much in the way of gaming. I have had a few ideas for blog posts and have done a little bit of writing about those but didn't really come up with anything I felt satisfied with. But sometimes it is like that and I will come back to those ideas and finish something up. I have been doing a bit better on the spending issue. I have frozen my spending on games and gaming and have reduced my spending on eating out and getting coffee although I haven't eliminated those completely.

The only thing I have been doing other than that is just listening to music a bunch which is pretty unusual for me. I really don't spend that much time listening to music and usually when I do it is just when I am doing the dishes or maybe when I am on the MRT.

I think one thing that holds me back is just this kind of strong feeling that I need to have some kind of justification or plan for what I am doing. There have been some games that I have felt some desire to play but a feeling that what I am doing needs to be part of some deeper kind of activity holds me back. Part of me thinks that is kind of ridiculous and I should just jump into something and get going but this feeling of needing a justification or plan can be quite strong.

 I guess one issue that comes up frequently is scope. There is part of me that really wants to have my own niche or forte. Like some subject that I know really well and can comment on with some real experience and knowledge. But there is just part of me that kind of rebels against limitations somehow, even ones I have chosen for myself.

I guess for the most part I have been feeling more interested in video games lately. The two main ones on the top of the list right now are Shadowrun: Dragonfall and Suzerain. Shadowrun is a turn based roleplaying game. It is one of a series of three games made by this company that are very similar in terms of mechanics and design. I played the other two and enjoyed them quite a bit. This one though has kind of been very stop and go. I have started it several times and then dropped it. I think part of this is just the tone. I feel the tone is a bit more depressing or kind of in your face about some of the "grittier" aspects of life as a shadowrunner. Suzerain is a politics and government simulator. I played about 2 hours before wes came and liked a lot of things about the game but it kind of feels like it is a big commitment because there is a lot of stuff to keep track of and stay on top of. I guess there is also some reluctance to get into Realpolitik right now.

Satisfaction

Satisfaction is elusive.

So what is satisfaction? I think satisfaction if a feeling of a need being met. Basically, it is a feeling that a need is being met and that the effort or time involved were somehow proportional. When you think of it in terms of needs being met then satisfaction is obviously important. And we are all seeking it in various ways whether that is through work, or relationships, or hobbies or all of the above. Proportional means that the challenge of meeting the need is neither too easy nor too hard. It is just human nature that when a need is very easily met we often feel bored, dissatisfied, or take the solution for granted. But if somehow the price for meeting the need is too high then we feel it is not worth it and we feel frustrated.

So why is satisfaction elusive? I think it is elusive because we often don't have a clear idea of what our needs are. Also, some of our needs can be contradictory and often we stand in our own way. Furthermore, reality often isn't very compliant. This means that reality often presents us with choices where tradeoffs or concessions are necessary. And often satisfaction can be hidden behind something that initially seems unappealing and conversely, the thing that initially appears satisfying often proves to be an illusion. Lastly, there is a time element. Needs change from moment to moment. What is satisfying at one time may not be satisfying at another time.

From the above it may seem impossible to find satisfaction or that it is shocking that anybody finds more than a glimmer of it once in a great while. I think it is possible to find satisfaction though at least to some degree. But it requires effort.

I think it comes down to some simple things. First off, dissatisfaction often comes more from mental traps like taking things for granted or envy or unreasonable expectations of the degree or kind of satisfaction we deserve. Gratitude can be a great corrective for these.  Sometimes satisfaction is just a matter of stepping back and seeing that our needs are actually being met. But secondly, we have to be honest with ourselves. Sometimes the price or tradeoff is just too great. One need is being met at the cost of another that is more important or the price in time or effort is just too great. We need to have a clear idea of our priorities. But real effort is involved. Real satisfaction is a result of experimentation and reflection. Life won't always hand you a clear cut decision. The only way is to put the effort in to making a considered decision and then honestly evaluating the results. You have be open to new experiences but you also have to know what you like. And lastly we have to recognize that our needs can shift. Some people are blessed to be born with simple motivations or desires that are easily satisfied. But for most of us, our needs are somewhat mutable and what satisfies one day may not satisfy the next. I think the trick is avoid overgeneralizing. Resist the temptation to believe that any one solution is universal.

So what does this all have to do with gaming? I think gaming meets needs like the need for entertainment and recreation but also for challenge and a sense of progress.

So how do we have gratitude with games? First off, I think it is good to be grateful for the hobby in general. We live in a golden age of gaming and there are huge numbers of games of all different kinds being produced every day. I think it is just important to be grateful for that richness. It is easy to lapse into some kind of dissatisfaction because you feel like you are not finding the "perfect" game that ticks ALL the boxes or pushes ALL of the buttons. It is important to step back sometimes and just see how much of interest is being done with this hobby. Secondly, there is a lot of FOMO (fear of missing out) in the hobby. For some games this can be because there are limited print runs. Things like board games or chess books do get sold out and then become more difficult to obtain and often significantly more expensive as a result. But it is important to be grateful for the games and books we do have. There is a real tendency to feel that something loses its excitement after it becomes part of our collection. I think just being grateful and appreciating what we have can be a source of satisfaction. One trick I am trying right now is to freeze my spending for awhile. This is partly out of necessity but also because I want to try to focus on enjoying what I already have. Trying to find the depths in things I have only tried superficially. I have tried this before and I found my wants got less.

But we also have to be honest with ourselves. I think a lot of people present their own satisfaction with a game as if it is a general truth that everyone must find it satisfying. It can be easy to fall into believing that we should be gaming a certain way or that some games are inherently "better" than other games. Sometimes people have a self-image that is not exactly accurate. They believe they like some specific type of game or a style of playing a specific game because it fits with their self-image. Sometimes these self images are totally false. More likely they are simply limiting. When I first started getting back into video gaming I thought I really liked weighty strategy games with lots of complicated mechanics and things to adjust. I have come to realize that this is usually not really what I want in a video game.

I think you have to also be honest with yourself about when something is played out or when the price starts to seem too high. Sometimes we find a game we like and is a source of satisfaction but over time it starts to become stale and we lose our enthusiasm or we get frustrated or it costs a lot. I have three examples from my own gaming.

 The first is the Elder Scrolls Online. I have sunk over 800 hours into that game. At first it was fun and interesting and I enjoyed it a lot. But later it became something of a trap. It was easy. And so I often picked it up and played it even though (later on in that 800 hours) it wasn't that satisfying. I just picked it up because I knew how to play it and there was always new content to explore. But I think this prevented me from exploring other games. So I had to get honest that despite the fact that it had been fun or exciting at some times it had kind of lost its luster and I was mostly just playing out of habit. 

Second is Magic the Gathering. I find deck building satisfying. I really like to build a deck and then play it and see how it does. And I have certainly had some fun with this game. But it definitely comes at a price in the literal sense of that word. It is a collectible card game and you very much have to pay to play. Not to mention that there are two entirely separate online platforms as well as the real in-person "paper" way of playing. This presents a trade-off that can be tricky to navigate.

Third is chess. Basically this is one where the price in frustration started seeming too high. I started out with the high goal of making an over the board (in-person tournaments) rating of 2000. I put a lot of time, effort, and money into this goal but I didn't make appreciable progress (past a certain point). Of course there was some satisfaction from pursuing the hobby and I haven't given it up completely. But I had to get honest that I was dissatisfied with the level of frustration I was feeling and the downsides were starting to feel greater than the upside. So I started exploring other games.

But a result of that exploration has been that I find myself playing more games and a lot of those games are games that I "bounce off of". (Meaning I didn't enjoy.) This is where effort comes in. It takes effort to try new things. An example of this is online boardgaming at Board Game Arena or Yucata. These are two websites where you can play boardgames with other people over the web. Both of them have a lot of games available to play. (BGA much more than Yucata but Yucata's collection is nothing to sneeze at.) At first this seems magical and one can feel like a kid in a candy store. But after a little while you start to learn the downside. For every game you want to play, first off you have to learn the rules. Then secondly, you have to play the game for awhile before you really get a handle on the strategy and whether you like it. So each of those games requires a significant commitment to play. And if you don't like something it is always a question of whether it just really didn't suit you or if you didn't give it enough of a chance. But these considerations also hold true for video games and other kinds of games.

Lastly, the question of temporal change. This is the one I struggle with the most. Some people are lucky in that they find a game they like early in life and they stick with it and find it satisfying for a long time. I am almost the polar opposite of this. Things that seem satisfying one day are very often unappealing on another day. This has been a real source of struggle for me. Particularly because I do have an ambition to "git good". So I have spent a lot of time struggling to focus on one game (particularly chess but also sometimes others) in order to get strong. Part of me really wishes I could be dedicated to just one game and really love it and always want to play it. But it just doesn't really seem to be that way. So another solution I have come up with and tried to implement to some degree is to be more honest about what kind of mood I am in and to try to find a game that suits that mood. For example, if I am tired but don't want to go to bed it is useless to get frustrated with myself for not wanting to do something that requires a lot of effort. At times like those a game like the Elder Scrolls Online or Stardew Valley can be suitable. My goal is to create some kind of oracle where I can answer a few questions and be presented with some options that hopefully would be suitable and satisfying given my current mood. Or at the very least have a kind of mental list of games suitable for certain moods. This takes honesty and effort as outlined above to try new things and find what I like and what I don't and what suits a given mood and what doesn't.

 

Review of The Thaumaturge

 I bought this and played it to completion right around when it was released which is pretty unusual for me. I am usually more a patient gamer who waits for games to "mature" (ie get game breaking bugs patched.). Thankfully, my playthrough was mostly bug free. So overall I am happy I bought it and played it.

Setting: This is a really big part of the attraction for me. It is set in Warsaw in 1905. For me this made the game a lot more interesting and engaging than another generic fantasy setting would have been. The city is represented with what seemed to be authentic districts and sights (although of course the actual game map is greatly simplified). At that time this part of Poland was under Russian control so there are simmering tensions that add to the intrigue. There are some ways in which the setting is altered though. Firstly, magic is part of the setting. This takes the form of people (thaumaturges) who have the ability to control spirits known as "salutors". There is a strong psychological dimension to this because these spirits are tied to character flaws in the thaumaturge. Magic is somewhat rare in that there are very few thaumaturges. But these are sufficiently high profile that the general populace is aware of them. In fact another aspect of this is that there is anti-thaumaturge sentiment. This is one of the main plot points. I also liked this aspect of the setting and felt it was an interesting take on magic. Secondly, the Russian royal family is present in Warssaw at this time. I guess they are just visiting but it seems to be a semi-long-term presence. I don't think this is factual but I am unsure.

Characters: Another strong point of the game is the characters. Because our main character comes from a wealthy family but has a disreputable past he is able to move in various social settings. So he is able to interact with the Russian aristocracy but also with port workers, Jews, gangsters, and anarchists. This really fleshes out the setting and makes it more interesting. It brings out the tensions and reveals different dimensions of the city. One other thing that kind of stands out is the fact that Rasputin is present in the city and trying to get associated with the Russian royal family. This may seem silly to some but I enjoyed the character and the role he played in the story. Overall, I felt the writing of the characters was good and their predicaments were interesting.

Plot: I don't want to give spoilers so I will speak in generalities here. I felt the plot was ok but a bit less strong than the setting. It also felt slightly disjointed in that there are several different sections and the objective changes. There are some major decisions which seem to give different endings that I am interested in replaying the game for. Overall, I thought the plot was good enough to keep me interested but I feel like it wasn't the games strongest point. I liked a lot of the side/sub quests though.

Mechanics: The main one is a method of finding your way in the game. Basically, your character snaps his finger and some red glitter emanates from him. This red glitter will lead you to the next place you need to go. I feel mixed about this. I liked the visual aspect. I thought the red glitter looked cool. It also streamlines the exploration. As far as I know it is a novel way of handling this issue of letting the player know where to go. I partly felt though that it made finding your way a bit too easy. Part of the fun of rpg games is exploring the world and finding the stuff you need and other stuff along the way. Of course the red glitter didn't totally eliminate this but it did diminish it a bit. You have some choice in terms of what storyline or quest your following but within that it just tells you where to go. It's also static. This red glitter is separate and doesn't have any upgrades or development. It ends up feeling a bit like hand holding. Meaning the game is doing some of your work for you and making it easier.

There are also some mechanics with respect to your salutors and your character flaws. Basically dialogue choices will either feed your character flaw or diminish it. Feeding it can result in increased abilities and extra dialogue options. I didn't see exactly how much this impacts the game but further playthroughs may reveal that.

Lastly, the salutors you control can be used to manipulate other characters' psychology or responses. I liked this aspect but don't feel like I have a lot to say about it.

Combat: This is where your salutors get most of their work. I thought the combat system was interesting in that I have never played anything quite like it before. It is turn based, meaning one action happens at a time, either yours or an opponent's. But it's stylized in a way with cards you have to choose to take your actions. The salutors have a range of abilities that they can use as well as you having normal attacks. These salutor abilities can do various things such as interrupting or stunning an opponent or giving you health back. On the other hand, I feel like combat is my main complaint with the game. I played on normal difficulty and combat just felt way too easy. I only had to do a few fights over again and I never really had to engage with the upgrade systems. I am a pretty lazy gamer so it may have been part of why I finished the game. But I think I would have welcomed a bit more challenge here. Of course I can try playing on the top difficulty setting if I want to explore those combat systems a bit more.

Sidequests: Basically there are three levels of quests in the game. One is main story quests. Then there are side quests. Then there are city secrets quests. The first two are pretty self explanatory. The main story line quests relate to the progression in the game. There are cut scenes. (a cut scene is like a video as opposed to regular game play but it is not actual video, it is still animation.) Sidequests are interesting little stories that often require you to go several places and interact with stuff but they are generally kind of stripped down compared to main story quests. The city secrets quests are just little things. You get them from stuff you find around the city. So basically you just go to one place and don't have to interact at all. It just shows some text and a sketch. At first I found these a bit annoying just because there isn't much too them. But they do give xp to boost your stats. But they grew on me. In the end they give a bit more flavor to the city. I am kind of in the middle on optional content like this. Some people don't care about them at all and will just play the main story quest. Others are completionists who insist on collecting all the collectibles and doing every little thing there is to be done in the game. I am kind of in between. I have a bit of a collector bug but I am not a completionist. I like to do regular side quests and I do like to do the collecting stuff but I am mostly in it for the main story. One interesting thing is that a lot of the sidequests seem to have a timer but the only thing that really seemed to affect the timer was progress on the main story. That is, actually spending time in the game didn't seem to advance the timers. Also some sidequests would start with the timer already partly gone.

As I said, I am happy with the game. I recommend it to anyone who feels the setting is interesting. But if you are a power gamer you are probably going to want to turn up the difficulty.

Review of Daily Game vs LDroid

 Review of this game: https://www.chess.com/game/daily/691709569

-white move 6, I think that basically this is one of the problems with this variation.

Basically if the opponent has some idea that I play it and wants to stop it then they can.

So that feels a bit mixed.

Obviously you can't have your way all the time in chess.

And it is also kind of unclear how good these variation stoppers are.

But it just makes me think a bit.

But I didn't bother to look it up because it is not a book move I know and I think I played ok afterwards.

 

-white move 10, so basically I get half of what I wanted. I wanted to get rid of my bad bish and eliminate his good bish. So here he voluntarily gives up the light square bishop for my knight. Kind of seems bad but maybe I am kind of overvaluing the advantage I get.

 

-black move 14, I feel mixed. clearly white is showing aggressive intent on the K-side. so maybe making pawn moves and trades there is anti-positional. But on the other hand I always feel ambivalent about the f6 pawn break. I think I don't really know when it is good and when it is bad. That was one thing that frustrated me about Heisman. He just kind of refused to answer about that and it kind of felt like he was blaming me for asking.

 

-black move 15, developing the bishop. the downside is that the g5 square is not defended by a pawn which it would have been if I had played gxf6.

 

-black move 16, I clearly wasn't sensitive to the danger here. I just make a one move threat that does nothing and actually weakens my defenses because it makes me unable to play g6 in reply to Qh5. I probably should have considered BxN more. Not really sure why I didn't. I think it was a combination of things. I think I was worried about opening the h-file. I also think I was not wanting to give up the bishop pair so easily. Also, this is my good bishop. But honestly these may be ex post facto reasons when the real reason is I just didn't see the danger and thought the knight move was premature and I could just easily kick it.

 

-the opponent plays the attack well, winning two pawns. I trade queens because generally trading queens will dampen attacking chances. But on the other hand it is said that you shouldn't trade when you are down material.

 

-black move 22, I  think Rf8 is better. It gets my last piece developed and also defends the bishop so I don't have to split my pawns when he trades knight for bish.

 

-black move 24, I guess this is why I played 22. I get my knight to an outpost blockading his passed but isolated pawn.

 

-black move 26, I just blunder a third pawn. Just not playing carefully. I had probably given up mentally already but didn't want to resign yet. if I am going to continue I should play h5.

 

-my other weak pawn proves easy to pick off. I am down four pawns and he has his whole k-side as passed pawns.

 

I think several things stand out for me:

 

-first off, black move 14. I really feel like I need to work on learning how to handle this f6 break. I know it is good sometimes but I feel like really uncomfortable with playing it because I don't know how to handle it. So part of that is like deciding when it is good to play and when it is not. Second is just like the follow up like in this game. Is it always better to recapture with the g-pawn? or is capturing with a piece sometimes good? So in terms of actions on this I already tried the action of asking a stronger player. That didn't work out. So I think another action is to just do like here and play it and try to learn from experience and reviewing my games. I will try to keep an eye out for any commentary in materials I come across such as in opening books or whatnot. I guess my evaluation here just on my own is that it wasn't terrible. At least it wasn't game losing or anything. I even think Bxf6 may not be terrible. It was more the follow up and how I handled his aggression.

 

-secondly, black move 16. I am not sensitive to the danger and I make a dumb superficial move that only makes the situation worse. Like wetzell talked about this is an example of making a pawn move in reply to something without really accounting for its balance sheet. But overall I need to work on my sense of danger.

 

-thirdly, black move 22. I have a decent idea of getting my knight to the oupost but I significantly weaken my pawns by allowing them to be split. Rf8 would have developed a piece and prevented that.

 

-fourthly, black move 26. Both Heisman and Wetzell stress the importance of resigning if you have given up and if you haven't resigned to keep fighting like a lion. This is a weak move that is questionable even if it didn't blunder a pawn because I am trading when down in material. I think I had given up mentally and wasn't meeting the challenge of defending down two pawns.

 

============

 

chess.com review

 

-it likes his 10 Bxc6. it says it is the only move. Not sure why Be2 isn't good. It says Be2 loses a pawn to Nf5 Be3 (defending the more important d-pawn) and Qxb2. And Bd3 isn't good because after Nxd4 Nxd4 Qxd4, white has no check with the light squared bishop to win the queen so I have just won the d-pawn.

 

-instead of h6 it shows castles kingside. I kind of thought that would be castling into the attack (if I considered it). but I suppose if he plays Qh5 then I have Bxg5.

 

-also on move 25 it doesn't like f5, saying h5 is better which certainly would have freed my rook.

Update

 Well, my friend came to visit. We had a great time and did a lot of stuff. It was a lot of fun but also quite tiring. So I went with him to the airport in the morning on Thursday then I spent the rest of the day just browsing and journaling. Watched some gaming related videos. I also treated Friday as a rest day. I don't have to work Fridays right now and everyone was away from home. So, I just spent the day mostly browsing and kind of journaling a bit. Resting and decompressing. I watched some video gaming related videos. I was a bit more conflicted though in a way. On Thursday it was really clear that I was very tired so I had no problem giving myself permission to do nothing basically except my chores. On Friday, I felt better but still had very low motivation. So most of the time I was in the mindset that one good night of sleep wasn't enough to get back on track and it was good to take another rest day. But part of me was getting a bit angry at myself and thinking I was wasting the day. I just felt like somehow this is a common problem and I was just going to waste the whole weekend. But I mostly focused on just trusting myself and giving myself permission to be lazy. Basically it does seem a lot of times if I am rested then I will naturally feel motivated to do stuff and a lot of times the lack of motivation is tied to sleep problems. So I am intending to maintain the day schedule that I established the week before he arrived. I am hoping that will be conducive to feeling rested more often than not.

And lo and behold today I have felt much more motivated. I got up and pretty early made a to do list. Then I jumped into some chess work. Did a couple of tactics to restart a streak on chess tempo. (I had let it lapse while he was here.) Started a couple of new games to get back to 5 active daily chess games. Then I made some moves. Then I jumped in the Nunn "Understanding Chess Endgames" that I had let go of for a good while and did a whole 2 page section. Then I reviewed one of my finished daily games and made Wetzell cards for it. Then I ate lunch and watched a video gaming video. Now I am writing a blog post.

So, I think basically this is kind of fruits of the gentle path I was talking about in the previous post. By being gentle with myself, and trusting myself, and giving myself permission to rest I feel a lot of better. And then I am naturally just more motivated. I feel like part of it though also was just that his visit kind of kicked me out of the rut I was in and kind of made me remember how good it feels to do stuff instead instead of just sort of languishing. But I also rededicated myself to the solution of doing gaming stuff more and journaling less. I also made two new resolutions. One was to start tracking my time usage in the hopes it will enable me to be more conscious about how I use my time. Have been doing this for six days now. I also want to cut my spending and save money. Particularly cutting my spending on gaming stuff. I want to focus on playing games I already own, reading books I already own etc. The problem with the spending resolution is that it may lead to me isolating in an effort to not spend money. So I am a bit kind of unsure exactly how these resolutions will play out.

Some of the videos I have watched recently, mostly on video gaming. This is not all of them but the ones I liked more.

 *This is a news about the industry video that talks about how Steam is going to be legally required to tell people that they are only purchasing a license to play the game and that this license can be revoked. It points out that GOG has very different terms of service that mean a person has total ownership of the  installer program and that there is no DRM (copy protection basically) on the games so your ownership can't be revoked. This was particularly interesting because my friend and I had just been discussing these same issues on a trip to the electronics mall. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZW79weyGsg

*This is a video by a youtube content creator that I watched that might have helped me give myself permission to rest. It is basically about how he is having to cut back for his own mental health. As opposed to some videos on this topic this one is pretty positive. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1te5Kthvac8

 *This is one about how to get back into games that you have put down for a bit. Basically, it is very much a first world problem, the problem of having too many games to play and not finishing them. But this problem of putting down games and then not wanting to pick them up is also one I struggle with. His main recommendations are to 1) take some kind of brief notes about games so you can review them to remind yourself of what was going on when you put it down. I don't do exactly this but I do have notebooks in One Note about the games I play so I do find that is helpful. Might have to be a bit more targeted with them. 2) He recommends engaging with positive content about the game. This could be positive reviews, or like positive fan content. Etc. Stuff that will make you feel excited about playing. 3) He recommends trying to pick up the game with a commitment of only playing (actually playing, not loading screens etc) for two minutes. If after two minutes you just really don't want to do it then fine you can put it away again. But more often than not just that little bit will get you over the hump and you will want to play more.           https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2HrRSWHYJc&t=2s

*This one is about the problem of difficulty settings in games. I liked it because he talked about various options regarding difficulty settings and talked about pros and cons with each. Some people are very polarized on this topic because some of them see it as an accessibility issue that games should be more accessible to all kinds of people so they should have difficulty settings that allow less skilled players to play. On the other hand some people look at the games of the developer Fromsoft that don't have any difficulty settings (and are very challenging games) and they see this as a really good thing because you are forced to overcome the same challenge as everybody else to experience the game. They argue that the games are more pure this way and resent the demand that every game should be made more accessible. I thought this video was nice because it didn't really fall into any camp. It was really a look at positive and negatives and didn't try to come to any easy conclusions. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nJtd8AJghM

 *This one was by the same guy as the last one and covers the topic of rewards in video games. Pretty much the same deal. He looks at some different models and kind of considers positives and negatives of each one. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dI_XEPoN3MA

 

Where I am at with some specific games

 One big issue is deciding whether I am going to focus on one game exclusively or if I am going to play many games. In my previous post I mentioned "games" plural. And that is basically where I am at. I feel like limiting myself to only one game is an artificial limit. I am interested in many different games. And having many games is kind of an advantage in that I can play different things when I am in different moods.

*Chess: This remains the main game. I like it and the discipline it involves.

Daily Chess: (this is like postal chess that you take days to make your moves)

-This is the main type of chess I am interested in right now. I don't play much blitz because I prefer to have time to analyze. There are no slow time control over the board tournaments in Taiwan and slow leagues online require scheduling that is often challenging and runs into the problem that sometimes I don't feel like playing at the scheduled time. But I am open to doing that again.

-I am below my peak rating and I would like to get back to it. One problem that lowers my rating is that I have a tendency to just whip off some moves without thinking. The opposite problem is that if I set the bar too high then I don't get around to making my moves and I time out. So I have to find a balance but would like to gradually increase the amount of analysis.

-My experience shows that 5 games is about the right number of games to have at one time. 

-As far as opening go I have decided to not use books during the game (although that is permitted) because I find it produces weird positions that I have no idea how to play. I have a settled repertoire that I stick with because I want to learn it well. I play d4 as white following Watson's "A Strategic Opening Repertoire for White", the French as black against e4 with some variety in the lines I will play, and the Tartakower as black against d4 using mostly Ntirlis' book as my main source. I am kind of unsure what to play as black against c4 but I am thinking of picking up the Hedgehog.

-I review the games after I play. I first analyze by myself without an engine and then use the chess.com engine review to check my analysis. If there is anything I am unsure about I check with Stockfish. I check the openings with various resources. Then I make "Wetzell cards" for any key moments. This is described in "Chess Master at Any Age". Basically you find places where you had some kind of mistaken thinking and try to figure out what was behind the error. The card should remind you of the mistake and the correction using a diagram and some snappy tag line.

Tactics: I use chess tempo. I like the features especially standard mode which means untimed. I like a lot of the features though. My main goal is to keep a streak alive as I mentioned in the previous post. I would like make it to a rating of 1700 and keep it around there. I would like to maybe get comfortable doing a few more problems per day but am not in rush.

Reading books: I like reading chess books. I would like to read more chess books cover to cover. So I am trying to pick one book and stick with it. I am currently reading John Nunn's "Understanding Chess Endgames". I am kind of leaning away from reading game collections just because they seem to have very little impact on my playing strength but that is not a rigid rule.

*Magic: Basically I have a pretty casual attitude to the game. I play Commander (a multiplayer format) with the twins fairly regularly. I have given up playing with the group at Growlife because although they are friendly I feel they are on a different level. I like the idea of deck building and would like to do more of that but it is challenging. I have been in lull with it lately. I would like to get back to playing a bit more and trying to make some decks. One problem is that it is a pretty big money sink.

*Video Games: I am pretty casual with these also. Stardew Valley is my new go to when I am tired. I am kind of mixed about this just because there are a lot of different games and some take quite a bit of effort to learn to play well. So it is kind of a question of how much effort I am willing to put in. Basically I want to maintain a casual attitude. So I am ok playing games on lower difficulty settings and mostly just playing for fun. That being said, I do like finishing games and I would like to have a bit more stick to itness when it comes to figuring out how to get through places when I am stuck. I don't want to make any rigid rules though.

*Go: Go has mostly fallen out of favor. I think the reason for this is because it seems to compete with chess in that part of me really wants to take it seriously and like get good. The main difference is just that there are so many more resources in English for chess. That said I like playing go and wouldn't mind having some correspondence games going. But I think the main thing is that similar to chess I would like to avoid using joseki books in the opening during the game although of course I can look up stuff afterwards. But overall trying to maintain a casual attitude.

*Board Games: This another mixed one. I like playing correspondence online with these also. Basically the main problem I have found with these is just that if you just jump into a game then you really have no idea how to play. So in some ways these games are not that interesting until you have played a few times and have some idea of strategy. It can vary how long it takes to develop that. Also there are so many games available online that is a real challenge to decide how long I want to stick with a game before trying something else. Part of me wants to climb the ladder in the meta game on Yucata but I have shied away from taking that seriously. I would like to learn to play some games better. I am also interested in exploring solo boardgaming with real physical games.

*Solo roleplaying: I like reading GURPS materials particularly Pyramid magazine. I haven't really done much actual solo playing in a while. I would like to develop some story lines I like and feel happy to get to. I am also interested in exploring some other systems but GURPS is my main go to. The main thing with this is that it can connect up with other interests. I have big ambitions for developing a whole multiverse full of different timelines and worlds. I have put in some effort on that but not a whole lot.

So basically the main problem here is that I have a lot of gaming interests and I have some ambition for each of them but limited time and energy. I think I just have to accept that basically most of them will come and go. I will get interested in one of them for a little while and then I will lose interest. So what goes along with that is accepting that I probably won't be able to get good at most of them. I guess in general I would like to spend more time playing. I spend a lot of time writing in my journal. Although that has some positive aspects, sometimes it is little better than wasting time. I think going along with my previous entry that energy levels are an issue. If I had more energy from a healthier lifestyle then I might be able to do more. I think the main thing is just not expecting too much. I just have to see if I can play a bit more here and there and try to be a bit more consistent. I think the temptation is to want to get really serious about any one of them but then not stick to it and then feel disappointed that I am not getting good. I think basically the plan is to maintain the priority on chess but find time for other games.

The Gentle Path

 So, I feel better when I have some kind of ambition in my life and am taking definite steps to work on it. I also care about games. I would like to be good at games. The problem is that I have had an ambition like this for a long time. And in fact I have a long history of creating projects for myself that I don't see to completion. So what is going on with this? If I have ambition and I care, why don't I succeed? I think there are two key issues.

1. I don't practice enough.
2. I am very fickle. I change my goals and move from one thing to another a lot.

So what is going on with these? For number one, basically I am not very disciplined. In fact I am quite undisciplined. If I don't totally feel like doing something then basically I won't do it. Often the feeling that I should do something just compounds the problem. For number two I feel like it has a lot to do with meeting resistance. I want to do difficult things but when I meet resistance I lose my motivation and something else will seem more fun.

Basically I have known these things for a long time about myself. I have tried to change them but I have failed. I have also gone in the opposite direction. I have thought something like these are just natural features of my character and there is nothing I can do to change them so I just shouldn't have ambitions. But the problem is that I am ambitious and I keep coming back to the fact that I want to "get good".

So what is the problem? Right now I think the problems is basically some unreasonable expectations. Basically I know that I am undisciplined and that I lack "stick to itness". But my solutions have basically all been some variety of "I will just flip a switch and they will go away". Basically I felt that if I cared enough I could just will my way through them. This is kind of the idea that Wetzell takes in his "Chess Master at Any Age" book. He basically says that motivation directly leads to discipline. I disagree with this. Basically these character defects in me are quite ingrained and quite resistant to change. So setting unreasonable goals and then just deciding somehow that I will really do it this time doesn't work.

So what is the solution? I think the answer is that I need to be more gentle with myself. This may seem counter-intuitive. We often think that like harsh punishment is more likely to accomplish the result of correcting behavior. But I think the solution is to be more forgiving of myself. This has several ideas

1. Set reasonable goals. Basically one of my problems is that I set these very unreasonable goals of an amount of work that I will. Often when it is time to do the work it seems very daunting and I don't want to do it. I have had some success lately with maintaining a streak on chess tempo (a chess tactics problem website). Basically this has been because I have only really been trying to keep the streak. This only involves doing one problem a day and it counts whether you get the problem right or wrong. There was only one day where I abused this by purposely failing a problem quickly just to keep the streak alive. Some days I feel like doing more problems and so I do but I don't make that a requirement. So I think this setting reasonable goals goes for working on my character defects. I can't overcome them all in one go. I have to gradually improve. Setting a pretty easy goal like doing one tactic problem a day is a good start.
2. Be forgiving of myself. I think another issue is black and white thinking. If I don't meet my goal for one day then I think I have failed and I give up. With this streak on chess tempo I did miss one day which reset the streak on the site. But I only missed one day and I got back to it. I think that is progress. I have a chess book that I started recently. It takes some effort to work on and after a few days I didn't really feel like working on it. But I have kept the book out. And today I am feeling more like working on it. In the past I would think that I had failed so I wouldn't go back to it.
3. Work on improving slowly. One major problem for me is my chaotic lifestyle. I have a lot of trouble keeping a regular schedule or diet. I also don't get enough exercise. And I often get on a nocturnal schedule where I am up all night and asleep during the day. Basically I think these issues cause me a lot of problems in terms of mental health and discipline because I have problems with feeling low energy and basically bad. I think if I could maintain greater discipline in these issues I would probable feel better mentally and then I would probably not suffer from "not feeling like it" so much. My friend is coming for a visit. This is a strong motivation to get my sleep schedule in order. So I am trying to get on a day schedule. This had to be a sudden change but I am not trying to revolutionize my diet at the same time.
4. Give myself credit for the success. It is tempting to dismiss the chess tempo streak because it is just one problem a day. But it is an improvement. It is success in terms of being more regular and practicing daily. In the same period I have been making moves in 5 daily games. I haven't timed out or quit even though my chess motivation has waned. That is progress. The task of improving seems much more manageable because I have these successes going for me right now.
   

 So I think basically this is the key. I recognize that I have these character defects of lack of discipline and quitting too easily. So I just have to work on improving them slowly by practicing as much as I am able, not condemning myself if I revert to old behaviors and giving myself credit for my successes. 

So I want to get better at games but I am not putting any specific goals or any time frames. I think if I am able to address the lack of practice and the quitting then I will improve. I would like to have a better lifestyle. The schedule change of getting back on a day schedule is a big step. I will try to build on that gradually to improve my mental health. That should help with some of the energy and motivation problems. It is very hard to feel motivated when I am tired. If I can manage my sleep schedule so I feel tired less then I will probably have more motivation to do stuff even if it is challenging. I also won't force myself if I really don't feel like doing something.

Stay tuned to see how these ideas play out!

Caring

 I think the essence of being a gamer is caring about the games you play. In some ways this may seem obvious and like not saying much. After all that is kind of essence of every identity. But I think it is interesting to talk about this.

Caring is different than being interested. This is something that was brought home to me by a chess coach. Sometimes when he would show me something I would say "Interesting!" and he several times said that he didn't like when I said that because "interesting" is somewhat dispassionate. It isn't invested. It is possible to think something is interesting without caring about it very much. He wanted me to be eager to learn things because I could use them to crush my opponents. Recently I read "Chess Master at Any Age" by Rolf Wetzell. He made a similar point. He talked about someone who might play a game of chess in the evening with a friend when it is nice to win but not all that important. He contrasted this with someone he described as "keeping score" and said his book is for the latter not the former. There is another saying that goes, "Show me a good loser and I will show you a loser." The point is that you have to care, not just be interested. I think that is one thing that bothers me sometimes when I think about writing. It is this kind of gap between observing and doing. Of course it doesn't have to be like that. A writer can care a lot about what they are writing about and use their pen to influence people to support what they care about. I guess that is part of being a critic.

Caring is also different than liking something. It is possible to like playing games but not care all that much. I think some people are like this. Wetzell's example above also shows this. But I think some people play games because their friends do or because it is something to do. And they may like the game. They may even put in some effort to playing better but it isn't all that important to them and they will move on if circumstances change.

Caring is a double edged sword. If you care about winning and losing then losing is painful. And sometimes the pain of losing seems like it is more than the joy in winning. Jesper Juul considered this paradox in his book "The Art of Failure". His question is why people seek to play games when from his own experience they often produce pain. He compares it to the question of tragedy. That is, why do people enjoy watching tragedies? But in some ways although he considers many theories, he doesn't seem to come to a satisfying solution.

For myself, I think there is something noble in caring. The definition of selfishness is to care about nothing except your own comfort. But I think there are different ways of caring. I think it is possible to care more about the game than about the mere ego gratification of winning or avoiding the pain of losing. Kuljasevic talks about this in his book "How to Study Chess on Your Own". He describes it as objectivity. Usually when we talk about being objective in chess we mean that one should accurately assess the value of a move. For instance, a player is lacking in objectivity if they look at a position and justify a sacrifice for the attack just because they would rather be attacking than doing anything else. They aren't really being objective about the position and about whether or not an attack is justified. But Kuljasevic turns it into something deeper. He say that "for many people, studying chess is too much about themselves". He goes onto say that the quest for self-improvement is natural but that "this quest for self-improvement should not interfere with a selfless desire to learn the secrets of chess." He also quotes Petrosian as saying "The masters of the older generations too wanted to win, but they didn't just think about how to win a game, but how to win it worthily." Sportsmanship is another example. It is noble because it is presumed that you care and that you feel bad about losing but you still place good manners above expressing your personal unhappiness. Sportsmanship is almost meaningless if you just don't care if you won or lost. It is noble because you care about the health of the game more than about expressing the feelings inside.

I think this comes out in the world of video games also. To some extent there is a division between hard core gamers and casuals. With both camps decrying the influence of the other. Hard core gamers lament the influence of causal gamers and the dumbing down of games. The more casual players on the other hand decry the "try hards" who ruin the spirit of fun in games. In a sense I think both groups care about the health of the games they play and video gaming in general they just have very different notions of what that means. But this kind of immaturity is found in other arts just as much as in the gaming world.

I think ultimately there is no justification for caring about games other than this fact that it is noble and life affirming to care about something outside of oneself. I think you can point out certain positives about games and gaming but at the end of the day it is a personal matter whether you actually care about them.

I guess a more interesting question is how you express your care. I think this happens in a lot of different ways. I think one way is by taking games seriously and trying to "learn their secrets" as Kuljasevic said. But I also think there are other ways. Of course money is a big one. Supporting game companies that produce the games you like is an important way of ensuring that they remain able to keep making games. But this also goes for content creators who make content about games or for games that you like. I think to some extent it is necessary to be social and to be welcoming to people who express interest. 

So, I felt a bit dissatisfied with my ambition post. I felt that the writing ambition as I expressed it there didn't really have enough ambition to it. It was kind of a nice goal but didn't really feel that significant. But I think I would like my writing to express my care about games and gaming through my writing. That feels slightly more specific and ambitious. I am not entirely sure how to go about that. I think reviews are one way. So I would like to do some of those but I think some other content would also be appropriate but I guess to some extent I will have to feel my way as I go.

Ambition

 Sometimes I think ambition is a dirty word. It seems closely linked with feeling discontent when in fact I have a lot to be grateful for. It also seems to be linked with grandiosity. When I start to feel ambitious my ego takes over and I start to imagine myself as some kind of Nobel Prize winner, or best selling author, or grandmaster, etc. Even on a smaller scale it can be very unrealistic. There have been a number of occasions in my life where I have made decisions that came back to haunt me or I bit off more than I could chew because I felt ambitious but it was disconnected from any real honest assessment of my abilities or the challenges I would face. Many of these situations have resulted in humiliating setbacks.

 But at times it seems like a life without ambition is sad and meaningless. My job isn't bad by any means but in a lot of ways I don't feel like it is what I really want to be doing with my life. At the very least I want to have some passion project that I can derive meaning from on the side. Also, at times when I am just chasing novelty and excitement I come to a place where I feel burnt out and like I am at a dead end. But it feels like I am stuck in this dead end and it is my own fault. That momentary pleasures or just being the butterfly as one person put it inevitably leads to this kind of dead end with a kind of despair. At times like that, and at other times I feel like the solution is for me to really commit to some kind of grand project and to see it through despite whatever obstacles might come up. That this is how one finds meaning and purpose in life. At times like those it feels like ambition is the key and like I will really have to overcome my own character defects and become a better person who accomplishes things.

So basically I like the sense of purpose that ambition gives. There was a time period where I was taking chess lessons and I felt pretty happy about it because I felt like I had a goal and I was taking definite action to work toward that goal. It's exciting to feel like something is happening in my life and like I am taking action to direct my life and to have some purpose beyond just punching the clock at work, doing the dishes at home, and playing a game here and there. I think this is the good side of ambition.

 But the brutal fact is that I have been through this kind of cycle many times and no matter how sincerely I resolve to be someone who gets stuff done with ruthless efficiency I always end up wandering off the path. Usually sooner rather than later. It just seems like my inner world is very changeable. I can be very passionate about something and feel like I want to spend the rest of my life doing it one minute and the next I am bored or don't want to make the effort. Then when I feel burned out with the project and I give up I end up feeling despair that way too.

 Basically I have tried to come up with with a lot of solutions to this dilemma. And I have had some successes along the way. My mom asked me recently when was a time I felt successful. I couldn't really think of one at that moment but later I realized I felt really great when I researched building a gaming PC and planned it all out and saved up the money and bought the components and then built the PC with my own hands and got it working. That was another happy and exciting time in my life.

I guess in some ways it is the trying that kind of matters though. It is by trying stuff that I learn what works and what doesn't work. By trying to set goals I can learn what goals worked out and what goals were unreasonable. Like I set a goal to achieve an over the board (meaning real life tournaments not online) chess rating of 2000 (which is a strong rating for an amateur but still far from being a "titled" player). I was starting out as basically a novice who had only ever played casually before. Despite a lot of effort I have found this goal hasn't been very realistic. Not least because I live in a place that doesn't really have slow chess tournaments and so it is only very rarely that I can play rated over the board tournaments. So the ambition was good, it was good that I tried. And I did put quite a bit of effort into. And I can say I am glad I did. But overall the goal was unrealistic. The goal of building a gaming PC was realistic but I only learned that because I had the ambition and I tried to do it.

So, I guess my current ambition is to do some writing about gaming. That by itself is too vague and the temptation will be to just make some notes in my journal and not show it to anybody. This blog will be my outlet for the time being. One specific goal can be to let some real people know it exists. My second goal is to write 10 good entries. They can be about anything gaming related. Like book or game reviews or reports on sessions. Hopefully building up this blog can be an ambition that is something to keep coming back to and that can give me some sense of purpose but can also be definite and doable (writing individual posts). It should also be wide enough in scope that I don't have to feel chained to one particular game or even one subset of the gaming world.